Does life ever stop, take a breath and relax for a second or two? It seems as if this day ends and another day is brought into life. That time passes by and you wouldn't even notice it said goodbye. One second passes...then an hour...then a day...then a week. Is there enough persistence inside of our hearts to push on, never knowing what tomorrow might have in store? Where does this unforeseen drive inside of us come from? What compels us to live?
I've taken a break tonight, unlike any other. I haven't been able to get away, relax and look at life from a different angle in a long time. I'd say looking from the outside in, its because I am always caught up with the things of this world. Now I don't mean I seek to live for this world and the lies that it tells us. No, I mean as though I never get the chance to stop. Its a constant cycle nevertheless. Getting up in the morning, going to school, being involved in things after school and then going back to sleep. We never stop.
I'm sitting in Mill Mountain Coffee right now with some warm mango tea, my ears fixed on the sound of blenders and jazz music playing, the ever present smell of coffee beans and the faint chatter of people in the background. As I'm sitting beside the window peering out at the passing traffic I cant help but notice all the cars that pass by. Cars that slow to a stop, wait and then proceed as the light flashes green. One car after another they all are going somewhere. It seems as if things are in slow motion right now. For once I can focus on my thoughts, feelings and beliefs without the constant clash of life around me. Don't take me wrong, I'm blessed with unconditional love from Jesus Christ and joy beyond which I cannot fathom, friends that encourage me in my faith and family that always leads me to the foot of the cross. Its something else about life though that drags me under. Like Feelings of doubt, worry and frustration, but I cannot let these burdens weigh me down. I must seek to be filled with love, strength and truth. From the one that will never leave me empty and will always provide.
I've realized finally what Christ has put upon my heart these past couple of weeks. Its something I have been struggling to comprehend for awhile now. The fact is that I need to bank all I have on the God of the Universe. Over and over I seek my own path, try my own things and live my life as if I'm in control. Its almost as though my life is a story and Christ is the author. That he has magnificent moments ahead of me. Ones beyond anything I can fathom, but when things start to hit rock bottom I steal the pen from his hand and begin to erase, re-write and write what I want. Its almost as if I spit in Gods face and tell him that I don't need his love=. That I feel I can do everything on my own and I don't need Gods help. I lose all signs of faith and then doubt becomes a center in my life, not Christ.
Its not until times like tonight, that I finally realize how freaking worthless that I am and that I need Christ to rule my heart, mind and soul. That as I grow in faith I must trust Christ no matter the circumstances. I've got to put him 1st, above all other things. He must be the center of my life. After that becomes right things will fall into place. Christ will always provide me with the things I need. I finally understand that I only mess things up even more when I try to live my own life. God has an amazing journey ahead of us, plans and moments that are glorious. We must have patience in all actions because God will make things beautiful in time. We just have to wait and trust. Will we strive to live life for Christ and seek the cross? Will we trust in his timing and plans for our lives? Will we have faith that his plans our far more grand than ours? I mean after all he is the God that shaped the valleys and mountains, the one who tells the waves to come this far and no further, the creator that gives us life, the father that always loves, the one who painted the sky and the commander of lighting and thunder.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." -Ecclesiastes 3:11
Monday, February 9, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Clocks
This past weekend prayer overnight was so breathtaking. Words cannot even express the acts of servitude and humility that was seen throughout the astonishing camp ground. From the Dining Hall to the Club room prayer and love filled the night. Christ's Beauty was seen everywhere from the trillions of stars seen in the night sky to the magnificent sunrise. I believe as though the 24 hours or so we were there were beyond description and others could totally agree with me. Though it took discipline and much persistence to fast and stay up the entire night, Christ gave us strength and energy i cannot fathom.
Worship. Throughout the day and leading into the night, we would gather in the club room to raise hands, sing at the top of our lungs and praise our Lord Jesus Christ. It was different though from the ordinary Sunday morning at church were you would stand, sing a couple of songs and then sit back down again. There we would stand, kneel and raise hands as though it was just us and Christ singing together. I'm not to sure what love sounds like or if it even has a sound, but i believe that the words of praise and adoration that overflowed from the Club Room could definitely be described as love. I believe that i finally understood the meaning of "worship." That worship is the totall submission of ourselves to Christ, to praise and focus all our attention on how glorious he was, is and is to come.
According to "Websters Dictionary" fasting is defined as abstaining from food. I feel as though fasting is way more than not eating food for a certain amount of time. It takes discipline to deny eating something as little as a cracker and persistence to continue to do so. Abby Redick and I began to fast on Friday night and continued to do so until Sunday when we had our feast (which was so amazing). To be honest there were a couple of times that i felt tempted to eat, but with Abby holding me accountable I overcame those temptations. Fasting to me is a true gift, that as Christians we can give up eating and focus all we have on the God of the Universe.
During the hours at Rockbridge I had the honor to spend time with an amazing friend of mine Abby Redick. I have seen a light of Christ in her like no other. Her love for Christ has truly shown me what humility is all about. We had the awesome opportunity to sit beneath the stars during our quiet time and talk about life, Christ and beauty. Later during the morning between 4 and 7ish we sat in the dining hall reading the word and praying. It was one of my favorite parts of the weekend. We prayed and prayed and prayed. It felt as though we could pray for hours on hours without stopping.
Without a doubt my favorite part of the weekend was watching the sunrise. We left the dinning hall around 7 and stood beside the lake. We gazed beyond the mountain tops as the sun began to climb into the sky. Slowly and gradually the light from the sun began to shine throughout the camp and across the iced over lake. Night became day as time passed. It was such a gorgeous sight to see and I could feel the warmth from the sun upon my numb nose. My thoughts began to tumble and I started to think of how God loves us so much. That he would create a sunrise and sunset, name every star and give them light, change the colors of the leaves, command the waves to come this far and not further and give life during the spring for all of us. Does Christ love me that much? Did he do that for me? Could he actually love me for who I am? Without a doubt in his mind he did all that for me and he loves me beyond measure.
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:6-8
Worship. Throughout the day and leading into the night, we would gather in the club room to raise hands, sing at the top of our lungs and praise our Lord Jesus Christ. It was different though from the ordinary Sunday morning at church were you would stand, sing a couple of songs and then sit back down again. There we would stand, kneel and raise hands as though it was just us and Christ singing together. I'm not to sure what love sounds like or if it even has a sound, but i believe that the words of praise and adoration that overflowed from the Club Room could definitely be described as love. I believe that i finally understood the meaning of "worship." That worship is the totall submission of ourselves to Christ, to praise and focus all our attention on how glorious he was, is and is to come.
According to "Websters Dictionary" fasting is defined as abstaining from food. I feel as though fasting is way more than not eating food for a certain amount of time. It takes discipline to deny eating something as little as a cracker and persistence to continue to do so. Abby Redick and I began to fast on Friday night and continued to do so until Sunday when we had our feast (which was so amazing). To be honest there were a couple of times that i felt tempted to eat, but with Abby holding me accountable I overcame those temptations. Fasting to me is a true gift, that as Christians we can give up eating and focus all we have on the God of the Universe.
During the hours at Rockbridge I had the honor to spend time with an amazing friend of mine Abby Redick. I have seen a light of Christ in her like no other. Her love for Christ has truly shown me what humility is all about. We had the awesome opportunity to sit beneath the stars during our quiet time and talk about life, Christ and beauty. Later during the morning between 4 and 7ish we sat in the dining hall reading the word and praying. It was one of my favorite parts of the weekend. We prayed and prayed and prayed. It felt as though we could pray for hours on hours without stopping.
Without a doubt my favorite part of the weekend was watching the sunrise. We left the dinning hall around 7 and stood beside the lake. We gazed beyond the mountain tops as the sun began to climb into the sky. Slowly and gradually the light from the sun began to shine throughout the camp and across the iced over lake. Night became day as time passed. It was such a gorgeous sight to see and I could feel the warmth from the sun upon my numb nose. My thoughts began to tumble and I started to think of how God loves us so much. That he would create a sunrise and sunset, name every star and give them light, change the colors of the leaves, command the waves to come this far and not further and give life during the spring for all of us. Does Christ love me that much? Did he do that for me? Could he actually love me for who I am? Without a doubt in his mind he did all that for me and he loves me beyond measure.
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:6-8
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Strawberry Swing
I've been meaning to write my own blog for some time now, but I couldn't decide were to begin. For me putting my thoughts and feelings into words is rather difficult. Though it is not because I dont want to express them or because a feeling of discomfort, but rather I have to write them in a way that is understandable. I can only hope that this blog and those to come will convey my true thoughts and feelings and that by them you may see some sort of truth.
It was 1 week and 4 days ago that my eyes where unexpectedly opened to the true meaning of servitude. It was a rainy saturday afternoon and I was driving around Roanoke with no certain destination in mind. I begin to drive towards the new chik-fil-a over near homedepot and lowes. I passed tanglewood on my left and turned on my blinker to take the first exit on my right. As I began to take the exit I noticed a man walking, tightly huging is jacket, shoulders shrugged and his arms holding his upperbody in attempt to keep warm.
What happens next I will try my best to explain. Driving in my car, music jammin' and the heat on high I felt a sudden feeling of brokenness. Something in my heart jumped, longed and thrived for me to stop for this man. Love for the lost, helping one in need or my soul yearning to minister to the broken I slowed came to a stop in the middle of the road. I rolled my window down and I offered to give him a ride. He looked at me with shock in his eyes and stuttered "yes."
I know this may seem as an act of suicide on my part, but I have nothing to lose. I asked him where he wanted to go he said "the summit." At this statement I began to think that he wanted to take me somewhere that he could murder me, but I then realized it was the condos upon the hill above wal-mart. So I put my car in drive and began to take him home.
We talked the whole way there. Mostly random talk, but there was something different about it. Like it had purpose and depth. He told me that he used to live in Florida, but he moved here to support his mom. He said his car broke down as he was moving to roanoke and he walks everywhere he goes. We turned into his neighborhood and I pulled up to his house. The man turned to me and told me that if he ever saw me walking on the side of the road he would pick me up in an instint. I laughed and told him that it was a pleasure to give him a ride and that I hoped I would see him around sometime. He give me a great big smile and said "thank you." The door opened and he got out, zipped up his jacket and walked inside.
I felt as though I could feel Christ living in me, giving me breath and pumping my heart. That what I did for that man was a complete act of servitude and love. I felt as though Christ was looking me straight in the eye saying "well done my good and faithful servant..."-Matthew 25:23 I felt on fire for Christ! That by serving in love and joy you will be blessed with many things.
Christ has given us many gifts. Laughter, prayer and many others to further his kingdom. He told us to seek the lost and give to those who dont have. Whether its by a random act of kindness, praying for someone who has a broken heart, talking to the kid in the hallway who gets made fun of or sitting with the so-called "losers" at lunch. Just do it! Step out of your comfort zone and act by faith. What could possibly go wrong when you have the God of the universe by your side?
It was 1 week and 4 days ago that my eyes where unexpectedly opened to the true meaning of servitude. It was a rainy saturday afternoon and I was driving around Roanoke with no certain destination in mind. I begin to drive towards the new chik-fil-a over near homedepot and lowes. I passed tanglewood on my left and turned on my blinker to take the first exit on my right. As I began to take the exit I noticed a man walking, tightly huging is jacket, shoulders shrugged and his arms holding his upperbody in attempt to keep warm.
What happens next I will try my best to explain. Driving in my car, music jammin' and the heat on high I felt a sudden feeling of brokenness. Something in my heart jumped, longed and thrived for me to stop for this man. Love for the lost, helping one in need or my soul yearning to minister to the broken I slowed came to a stop in the middle of the road. I rolled my window down and I offered to give him a ride. He looked at me with shock in his eyes and stuttered "yes."
I know this may seem as an act of suicide on my part, but I have nothing to lose. I asked him where he wanted to go he said "the summit." At this statement I began to think that he wanted to take me somewhere that he could murder me, but I then realized it was the condos upon the hill above wal-mart. So I put my car in drive and began to take him home.
We talked the whole way there. Mostly random talk, but there was something different about it. Like it had purpose and depth. He told me that he used to live in Florida, but he moved here to support his mom. He said his car broke down as he was moving to roanoke and he walks everywhere he goes. We turned into his neighborhood and I pulled up to his house. The man turned to me and told me that if he ever saw me walking on the side of the road he would pick me up in an instint. I laughed and told him that it was a pleasure to give him a ride and that I hoped I would see him around sometime. He give me a great big smile and said "thank you." The door opened and he got out, zipped up his jacket and walked inside.
I felt as though I could feel Christ living in me, giving me breath and pumping my heart. That what I did for that man was a complete act of servitude and love. I felt as though Christ was looking me straight in the eye saying "well done my good and faithful servant..."-Matthew 25:23 I felt on fire for Christ! That by serving in love and joy you will be blessed with many things.
Christ has given us many gifts. Laughter, prayer and many others to further his kingdom. He told us to seek the lost and give to those who dont have. Whether its by a random act of kindness, praying for someone who has a broken heart, talking to the kid in the hallway who gets made fun of or sitting with the so-called "losers" at lunch. Just do it! Step out of your comfort zone and act by faith. What could possibly go wrong when you have the God of the universe by your side?
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