Does life ever stop, take a breath and relax for a second or two? It seems as if this day ends and another day is brought into life. That time passes by and you wouldn't even notice it said goodbye. One second passes...then an hour...then a day...then a week. Is there enough persistence inside of our hearts to push on, never knowing what tomorrow might have in store? Where does this unforeseen drive inside of us come from? What compels us to live?
I've taken a break tonight, unlike any other. I haven't been able to get away, relax and look at life from a different angle in a long time. I'd say looking from the outside in, its because I am always caught up with the things of this world. Now I don't mean I seek to live for this world and the lies that it tells us. No, I mean as though I never get the chance to stop. Its a constant cycle nevertheless. Getting up in the morning, going to school, being involved in things after school and then going back to sleep. We never stop.
I'm sitting in Mill Mountain Coffee right now with some warm mango tea, my ears fixed on the sound of blenders and jazz music playing, the ever present smell of coffee beans and the faint chatter of people in the background. As I'm sitting beside the window peering out at the passing traffic I cant help but notice all the cars that pass by. Cars that slow to a stop, wait and then proceed as the light flashes green. One car after another they all are going somewhere. It seems as if things are in slow motion right now. For once I can focus on my thoughts, feelings and beliefs without the constant clash of life around me. Don't take me wrong, I'm blessed with unconditional love from Jesus Christ and joy beyond which I cannot fathom, friends that encourage me in my faith and family that always leads me to the foot of the cross. Its something else about life though that drags me under. Like Feelings of doubt, worry and frustration, but I cannot let these burdens weigh me down. I must seek to be filled with love, strength and truth. From the one that will never leave me empty and will always provide.
I've realized finally what Christ has put upon my heart these past couple of weeks. Its something I have been struggling to comprehend for awhile now. The fact is that I need to bank all I have on the God of the Universe. Over and over I seek my own path, try my own things and live my life as if I'm in control. Its almost as though my life is a story and Christ is the author. That he has magnificent moments ahead of me. Ones beyond anything I can fathom, but when things start to hit rock bottom I steal the pen from his hand and begin to erase, re-write and write what I want. Its almost as if I spit in Gods face and tell him that I don't need his love=. That I feel I can do everything on my own and I don't need Gods help. I lose all signs of faith and then doubt becomes a center in my life, not Christ.
Its not until times like tonight, that I finally realize how freaking worthless that I am and that I need Christ to rule my heart, mind and soul. That as I grow in faith I must trust Christ no matter the circumstances. I've got to put him 1st, above all other things. He must be the center of my life. After that becomes right things will fall into place. Christ will always provide me with the things I need. I finally understand that I only mess things up even more when I try to live my own life. God has an amazing journey ahead of us, plans and moments that are glorious. We must have patience in all actions because God will make things beautiful in time. We just have to wait and trust. Will we strive to live life for Christ and seek the cross? Will we trust in his timing and plans for our lives? Will we have faith that his plans our far more grand than ours? I mean after all he is the God that shaped the valleys and mountains, the one who tells the waves to come this far and no further, the creator that gives us life, the father that always loves, the one who painted the sky and the commander of lighting and thunder.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." -Ecclesiastes 3:11
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